CBEB’s

(Note: a big tip of the headgear to JanieBelle for this)

You learn something new every day, or so they say. For example, until yesterday, I never knew that a person’s memories could be downloaded, said person could be killed, then replaced with an alien who possesses all the dead person’s memories. There’s also a name for it: Soul Shearing. I haven’t consulted the thesaurus on this, but I’m pretty sure “Soul Shearing” is synonymous with BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY.

Sherry Shriner (as portrayed by Roddy Piper) and her
invisible friend Jesus Yahushua, at the bank.

Welcome to the world of Sherry Shriner. Just who is Sherry Shriner, you might be wondering. Thankfully, her site provides a bio page aptly titled, “Who is Sherry Shriner?” Sherry’s not one to bore us with details of growing up poor the youngest of 27 children. She begins her story by letting us know that she never quite grew out of the “monsters under my bed” phase of her childhood:

It would stand at the foot of my bed and stare at me as I lay trying to sleep. Fear and sheer terror would grip every muscle and bone I had. It was at least 7 feet tall, dark, and evil. It wore a pitch black cape that completely covered its body from head to toe. I would shrivel under my blankets and pray for it to go away. I did not know what it was other than feeling it was some evil being straight from hell and I certainly did not know what it wanted.

I can’t help but wonder about someone who begins their bio page with the preceding quote. What is her job resume like? Is the ability to glean all sorts of crazy shit out of the Bible a skill that employers consider desirable? Does she list Carl Kolchak and Fox Mulder as references?

Now that we know a little about Sherry Shriner, let’s move on to what she believes. From the looks of her website, there is absolutely no conspiracy theory too crazy for Sherry. NASA’s lunar landings hoaxed? Check. Freemasonry*? But of course. Bible Code? You know it. Crop circles? Durn tootin’! 9/11 a Gov’t job? Fuckin’ A! Reptilian Overlords? Booyakasha! Evolution denial? Who the hell knows? If anything, there are some conspiracies that just aren’t crazy enough for Sherry’s tastes. Holocaust revisionism is passé in Shriner’s world; sure the holocaust happened, but the Jews were the ones who killed all those Jews. Sherry also kicks things old school with her numerous endorsements of Orgone as a weapon in the fight against the New World Order.

Long lines aren’t the only problem Sherry Shriner
encounters at the bank.

If there was a Graceland of Crazy, then Sherry Shriner would be Elvis Presley. (The real Elvis Presley, of course, was a benevolent alien who was killed by the Dark Forces.) There truly is no point in me quoting any of her articles, as every single sentence she writes oozes paranoia and insanity. The Time Cube guy must look at her site and bow his head in defeat.

Like Denyse O’Leary, another Tard near - but not that near - and dear to CBEB’s heart, Sherry Shriner has about 250 million websites. Unlike O’Leary, however, Ms. Shriner’s internet ubiquity isn’t a mere exercise in autofellatio. Sherry needs to keep moving around a lot in order to keep herself safe from the watchful gaze of the Omegans/Reptilian Overlords/NWO/Freemasons/Barbershop Quartets. Okay, I was just kidding with that last one, but I’m sure four-part harmony ties in to some byzantine plot in Sherry’s universe. Among her websites are:

1. sherryshriner.com
2. sherryshriner.net
3. sherryshriner.org
4. omegansareliars
5. thewatcherfiles.com
6. orgoneblasters.com
7. Sherry Shriner’s Blog (Sorry, comments are disabled)
8. Sherry on MySpace
9. No Faceboook page, because it’s apparently a front for the Illuminati
10. but about 15 other sites… seriously

As I mentioned earlier, Sherry’s vast ‘net presence is dictated by the never-ending threat of… well, pretty much everybody and everything. We’ve all seen the bumper sticker that says, “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you”; this has got to be true in Ms. Shriner’s case. When you’re so paranoid that you think you’re being followed by the traffic in front of you, you’re bound to be right at least once. And what sort of evil force is out to get Sherry Shriner? Here’s an e-mail from Kord Kaufman, a.k.a. ” Kordero Khuthullu”, a.k.a. kordero@hotmail.com:

Hail to the three gates of knowledge, and the serpent that gaurds the path to Satan.

You have discovered too much to live, but not enough to stop the dark rise to power of the acolytes of darkness.

You should be proud; I am the creator of the Nesara, and of the unholy guild of Omegans, and you have caused enough trouble to warrant my personal attention.

The ancient pact we made with your race (to which we still hold, we are not so dishonorable as you) dictates that a formal declaration of my intentions be made, which are as follows:

unless you take down your website, and renounce your faith, you shall be taken to the rainbow serpent, and forced to live through the sins of the apostles of hate.

You cannot stop us, we are inside of too many of your kind already. Ask you priest, we are in him, too. You can see it for yourself in his eyes.

You cannot win this battle, but you can save your life. I would suggest that you do so

Be smart,

Kordero Khuthullu

I think it’s fucking awesome that the creator of Nesara and the unholy guild of Omegans uses a hotmail account to throw down the gauntlet. None of that sending Mr. Kobayashi to do his dirty work like that pussy Keyser Soze; Kordero Khuthullu knows this is the digital age. I wonder if there were little devil emoticons in the original e-mail. What with the three gates of knowledge, rainbow serpents and the guild of Omegans, I think Kordero Khuthullu is far too busy be the same Kord Kaufman as this Kord Kaufman, who - just five weeks after Ms. Shriner got threatened via hotmail - won third place in a high school creative writing contest in Carolina Beach, NC. Then again, that’s probably just what they want you to think…

If reading such concentrated tinfoil hattery isn’t enough, Sherry Shriner also has a radio show. I made the mistake of trying to listen to her show while simultaneously reading her site. Here’s what happened:

I’m going to try to build up enough tolerance to make it through an entire episode of Sherry’s broadcast. Once I can handle large doses of her, I’ve got some questions I want to send in to her show: Is she of fan of fellow Kent State alumni, Devo? Does fellow Bible Code enthusiast William Dembski’s ongoing battle with a certain university in Waco tie in with the Branch Davidians? What would chairs look like if our legs bent the other way?

If things are slow at Uncommon Descent, or if FtK doesn’t want to come out and play, check out Sherry Shriner’s vast selection of PCP-laced Tard. There’s a lifetime supply of it available, at least until Kordero Khuthullu, creator of Nesara and the guild of Omegans, shuts her down.

*I wonder if Sherry knows that the fez-wearing charitable group that shares her last name is comprised of 33º Freemasons…