CBEB’s

This Chuck Norris boycott is great. I can write about Chuck Norris without having to come up with some lame Chuck Norris “Fact”. There is one Chuck Norris Fact I’d like to point out, however: his supporters have got to be some of the stupidest people on the face of the earth. I’ve often wondered what kind of person is dumb enough to fall for the Nigerian 419 Scam… now I know.

I was lucky (?) enough to happen upon the Chuck Norris Boycott story just as it was breaking at Worldnet Daily. It’s been over 24 hours since Chuck’s loyal fans have descended upon boycottchucknorris.com and judging by the comments, it seems to be less about a Chuck Norris Boycott and more about a contest to see who is the most ignorant about evolution. The great news is, it seems to be a tie, with pretty much everyone in first place. I’ve already added five quotes to the RTQG, and those came from one thread (there are only 3 posts at Boycott Chuck Norris, but they’re all rich in Tard deposits). Not that I’ve done any serious analysis, but it looks as if Boycott Chuck Norris might hold the record for the percentage of comments that qualify for Fundies Say The Darnedest Things. It’s sorta like the creationist equivalent of one of those cheesy informercials for those “Remember the 70s?” CD collections…

Who can forget the Argument from Incredulity?:

I also do not believe in the mathematically impossible, never observed theory of evolution.

and what about KC and the Sunshine Band’s “I’m Your ‘Evolution is a Religion‘ Bogeyman”?:

If you define a religion as something one believes in without proof being provided as to its validity, then evolution is clearly a religion. You must have faith to believe in the theory of evolution because it certainly isn’t back by proof.

Remember doing the Gish Gallop to “Darwin Recanted on his Deathbed“?:

By the time Charles Darwin died, even HE didn’t believe in his own “theory of evolution”!

and no collection would be complete without the timeless “Tornado in a Junkyard“!:

I have a pile of goo in the corner of my backyard. If macro evolution holds true, there is a chance that in 100 billion years (or more…just keep adding zeroes until people get ‘awed’ by the amazing science) and it will turn into an incredibly complex organism capable of thought, decision making ability and emotions.

But wait! If you call now, we’ll throw in some bonus homophobia and racism!

The site’s webmaster is apparently of Asian ancestry, so there’s gotta be some good old-fashioned racism:

Nips hate roundhouse kicks

Since the boycott also addresses Huckabee’s shameful comments about AIDS patients, there’s the obligatory “AIDS is for fags” post, with some bonus “Chuck Norris fights real crime and golf is for sissies” thrown in for good measure:

You man lost, so crawl in a hole.
America people have a right to believe!
If a 1st grader has lice every kid in class is sent home. If a kid has HIV AIDS he gets to stay and fight and bleed on and bite the other kids, ’cause AIDS is a Fag empidemic. Name one kid in America who ever died from lice, head lice!
Chuck Norris is an American Hero! Fighter against crime and real drugs! Next week the PGA gold people are doing drug testing or some garbage like that. The hit little balls or grass, how strong or many brain cells do you need for that

As funny as I find all this, it’s sobering to remember that these people plan on having a say in choosing our next president. We might get lucky, though; there’s a good chance that come election day, all these Chuck Norris Boosters will be in the hospital getting quadruple bypass surgery due to all that Kentucky Fried Chicken they plan on eating. If I was the webmaster of Boycott Chuck Norris, I’d add “NAMBLA Joe’s Fecal Matter & Ice Cream Parlor” to the list of Chuck Norris-endorsed companies just to see how many people would boast about how they’re planning on taking the kids out for a Turd Sundae.

While it appears - as far as the Wingnutosphere is concerned - the Chuck Norris Boycott is soon going to be as dead as Fred Thompson’s presidential campaign, it will at least provide some quality entertainment in the minutes to come. In fact, there is already a Support Chuck Norris blog, but it looks like the Chuck Norris supporters are too busy filling their faces with KFC while they watch Walker, Texas Ranger to show much support. The Support Chuck Norris blog also recommends visiting the Creation Museum. I guess that’s better than visiting NAMBLA Joe’s Fecal Matter & Ice Cream Parlor…