CBEB’s

It’s been a week, so some of you may be wondering where the hell I am. Here’s a list of reasons why I haven’t gotten a new computer yet:

1. The Evil Atheist Conspiracy doesn’t pay shit
2. I haven’t yet knocked over enough liquor stores
3. I’m too distracted because the new season of American Idol has captured my heart
4. Massive amounts of red tape involved in getting some money out of an account

One of the above reasons is true; I’ll leave it up to you to decide for yourself.

I might have a new computer this weekend. If not, by the middle of next week. I’m going through some serious tard and LOLcat withdrawals, so I can’t wait. During the downtime, I’ve finally finished Splinter Cell: Double Agent and managed to get hooked on Showtime’s The Tudors.

I miss the gang at After the Bar Closes and hope to soon be back in the thick of things.

My computer bit the dust yesterday, and it’s going to be about a week before I can do anything about it, so I’ll be away for awhile. I’ll try to get things up and running as soon as I can.

I swear, I’m such a masochist. I was digging around YouTube looking for a really bad version of “Amazing Grace”; not just any bad version, but one I had seen on some Jesus Infomercial a few years ago. After sifting through 20 pages of Amazing Grace videos (that’s 400 videos, mind you), I gave up.

I did, however, find “The Collapse of Atheism” a four-part series of videos that informs viewers that, well… atheism has collapsed. That’s certainly news to me. Part one starts with “Atheism… in other words, the denial of God, has existed since the very earliest times”, then it’s all downhill from there. Pay no mind to the “saintbirgitta.com” watermark; I’m pretty sure it’s a Harun Yahya production. Remember, Harun Yahya is the guy who used photographs of fly fishing lures to disprove evolution, so you can expect the same quality of evidence used to disprove atheism.

I’ll have to confess… I haven’t even watched all four of the videos. The stupid burns so badly that I’m worried one of the many straw men in the video will catch fire if I watch for more than a few minutes. How long can you last?

It’s been reported elsewhere that anti-science kook Tom Bethell has written a positive review of Expelled. Naturally, the science religious and political blogs see this as big news, although I didn’t see any headlines proudly proclaiming, “HIV Denier Gives Thumbs Up to Expelled!”.

Since coming up with an orginal thought is a big chore for most creationists - unless, of course, they just make shit up as they go along - it’s impossible for any of the creationist bloggers to add their thoughts to the review since producing an original thought AND typing with one hand is virtually impossible for cdesign proponentsists. Reasonable Kansans, Uncommon Descent and The Christian Mind either post a link to the review and/or some excerpts from the review.

Only one political blog, BrothersJudd Blog, offers any commentary:

Indeed, folks who insist that Darwinism is compatible with a Creator just don’t understand the theory or its intent.

It’s important to remember that the next big event for Intelligent Design isn’t the upcoming issue of Progress in Complexity, Information, and Design. It’s not that new research coming from The Biologic Institute. It’s a documentary that deals not with the science behind ID (there is none, for those of you keeping score), but with Intelligent Design’s favorite pastime: Playing the persecution card.

After I posted that atrocious Pledge of Allegiance “comedy” video the other day, Blake Stacey was kind enough to put up some Bill Hicks clips in the hopes that those lost brain cells would regenerate. It’s too soon to tell if it worked or not, but as my way of saying “Thank you”, here’s a clip that somehow manages to bridge the gap between the genius of Bill Hicks and unfunny Christian standup. I’m not a huge fan of Joe Rogan. In fact, he’s somewhat of a prick, if you ask me. He’s supposedly a 9/11 Troofer, and he believes the moon landings were hoaxed. Not everyone is all bad, though. Joe also has caused Carlos Mencia - an even bigger douche than Rogan - lots of grief, so he earns a few points for that.

This clip features a few minutes of Rogan’s bit about someone trying to explain Noah’s Ark to an eight year-old retarded boy. It’s kinda funny, but the best part is after Joe’s routine. Some guy from Wyatt Archaeological Research confronts Rogan after the show and tries to tell him that Noah’s Ark has indeed been found. It only takes a few seconds before the weasel words appear, but the guy remains confident as ever. What amazes me is that someone would publicly announce their affiliation with Ron Wyatt. To me, that’s an association most people would want to keep a secret… like being in NAMBLA, the Klan, or being a Discovery Institute Fellow.

CBEB’s Note: My hosting company’s media server is acting up today. Sometimes the videos load, sometimes they don’t. The problem will eventually clear up, so be patient… thanks!

Last week we celebrated Darwin Day, and what a Darwin Day it was. Next year will be Darwin’s 200th birthday - and the sesquicentennial of the publication of The Origin of Species, so we ought to be able to usher in the End of the World with next year’s festivities. Today, however, I’d like to honor another great man who should be an inspiration to Church Burnin’ Ebola Boys (and girls) everywhere.

It was 28 years ago today that AC/DC frontman Bon Scott died in London due to alcohol poisoning. AC/DC had recently become a worldwide phenomenon with their Highway to Hell album, and many people - including Bon’s fellow bandmates - thought he would be irreplaceable. Brian Johnson would ultimately take Bon’s place, and AC/DC’s next album, Back in Black would go on to become one of the biggest-selling albums of all time.

Still, there are many fans who believe the Bon Scott era was the Golden Age of AC/DC. In fact, Bon Scott is considered by many to be one of the greatest Rock & Roll frontmen ever. That’s a subject that could be argued for hours, but I’d definitely say he’s in the top 10.

Bon Scott deserves to be honored by CBEBs not only because he was a kickass frontman, but because he and the rest of the boys in AC/DC were a constant thorn in the side of uptight parents and religious wankers everywhere. For years, the rumor subsisted that “AC/DC” stood for “Anti-Christ Devil’s Child”. In addition to their classic song, “Highway to Hell”, the song “Hell Ain’t a Bad Place to Be” made AC/DC a favorite whipping boy for anti-rock music crusaders. Instead of toning things down to gain mass acceptance, AC/DC basically found a working formula and stuck with it. Other bands had sung about the devil and hell before AC/DC (Screamin’ Jay Hawkins probably started it with “Little Demon”, followed by the Sonics’ garage rock classic “He’s Waiting”, and the Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy For The Devil” to name a few), but Bon Scott & Co. brought it front and center, with the added bonus of not being pretentious about it.

Shit. I could probably write about AC/DC and Bon Scott for hours, but that would be missing the point. AC/DC’s music isn’t meant to be analyzed on an intellectual level, it’s meant to be enjoyed for what it is: pure, dumb fun. So enough of my bullshit; here’s some choice Bon Scott videos.

First up is one of AC/DC’s first television appearances, where they perform a rockin’ version of the oft-covered “Baby, Please Don’t Go”. This clip is dedicated to CBEB’s favorite Darwinist Drag Queen Transvestite Imitation Lesbian, JanieBelle McKnight.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Below the fold are three more clips, including two live performances.
(more…)

After last week’s Darwin Day festivities provided by Uncommon Descent, I’ve been avoiding some of the usual sites so that I could detoxify. However, duty calls, and once again I must bloody my boots and wade through the minefield of stupidity that secures the blogs of link farmer Denyse O’Leary. PTET tipped me off on Granny Spice’s latest crime against the English language.

I’ve never been able to get my Denyse O’Leary Decoder Ring to work properly, so it’s always difficult to figure out what, exactly, she’s trying to say. This time around, she’s rambling on about FBI hate crime statistics; specifically, hate crimes categorized by religion. I’ll leave it up to someone else to address her statistics - which may or may not be dubious - the thing that leapt from the page and punched me in the eyeballs was this:

If I weren’t so happy being a Catholic, I would be tempted to be a Jew. I wouldn’t be tempted to be an atheist/agnostic, because it doesn’t sound like anyone cares much.

What a fucking idiotic thing to say. Because Jews are more often the victims of hate crimes, Denyse O’Leary momentarily considers converting. I’m pretty sure Judaism wouldn’t work out for Denyse. For starters, Judaism - for the most part - has no problem with biological evolution. Then again, the director of the Vatican Observatory said that Denyse’s beloved Intelligent Design “belittles God, but that doesn’t stop Denyse from living in the 14th Century; what scientists have to say about science is of little importance to her. If that vision of Jesus she saw on last week’s piece of toast told her that Intelligent Design is The Absolute Truth, who is she to argue with a piece of toast?

Denyse O’Leary loves to play the martyr. Whining about how mean the “Darwinists” are has become a weekly ritual for her, and like everything else she writes, she can’t complain about persecution without making herself look foolish:

Meanwhile, I get an amazing number of comments, most of which I reject, from a type of person I can only describe as a young fogie. [emphasis added]

Here’s Denyse in the very same post, three sentences later:

They are pendantic [sic], unimaginative, censorious and utterly lacking in curiosity.[emphasis added]

Now, it’s pretty obvious why I added emphasis to the word “censorious”, but why did I bold “lacking in curiosity”? Because for Denyse O’Leary, “God did it” is a satisfactory answer to pretty much any question put forth. This is why Denyse makes her living spamming the internet with her pseudoscientific garbage, and not as an arson investigator.

The next time Denyse O’Leary whines about Darwinian Brownshirts, remember this: she thrives on delusions of persecution. Intelligent Design is a political and theological movement, and since she can’t play the science card, she’s got to play the martyr card. Does it surprise anyone that an industry is being built around Intelligent Design’s false notions of persecution? They’ve gone from crying “Waterloo!” to just plain crying.

If Denyse O’Leary is giving any more serious consideration to becoming a Jew, perhaps we should contact the person in charge of Judaism and give them a heads up. They’ll want to hang the “CLOSED” sign on the door of Judaism Headquarters until she moves along. She’ll give it up soon enough; after all, unlike Denyse, the Jews don’t like being persecuted.

I was checking my referral logs and I saw that someone had accessed the site after doing a Google search on “GodTube”, so I got curious as to where my site ranks on such a search term. My investigation got sidetracked when I saw one of the results. It’s a pain in the ass to embed GodTube videos in WordPress blogs - something about which I’m definitely not going to complain - so instead, here’s the YouTube version. This might be old news to most people, I dunno; it’s new to me, so I figured I’d make everyone else suffer along with me. Ladies and gentlemen, “Baby Got Book”:

A tip of the headgear to our good friend “For the Kids” at (un)Reasonable Kansans for this amazing piece of Christian “comedy”. Prepare to lose about 2,000,000 brain cells after watching this.

I realize the guy is supposed to be funny… although I am laughing as in “ha ha that guy is a real assclown”, shit like this angers me. A church full of people laughing at this moron’s woefully inept ideas about history and science is kind of scary. These are people who vote. These are people who reproduce and pass their idiotic ideas on to their children.

However, when I checked out the video at GodTube, I got a nice little surprise. Check out the Google Ad that was placed on the embedded video. Now THAT is funny.

Welcome to the debut episode of The Church Burning Ebola Broadcasting System. The theme of this episode is Sex & Violence (and it’s not even blog sweeps week, as far as I can tell). Did you think overt sexual themes and graphic violence didn’t get sung about until heavy metal and gangsta rap came along? Get outta town, ‘cuz these hillbillies are freaky - and if you think otherwise, they’re liable to kill you in your sleep! Simply press play, or you can download the mp3 to your hard drive by right-clicking the graphic and doing whatever it is your browser needs to do to save a file.

Enjoy the music of:
Hartman’s Heartbreakers
The Blue Sky Boys
The Light Crust Doughboys
Jimmie Rodgers
The Delmore Brothers
Spade Cooley & His Western Swing Band
Johnny Horton
Jimmie Driftwood
Tennessee Ernie Ford & Ella Mae Morse
and more!

This is my first attempt at podcasting, so bear with me. The levels on my mic are fucked, so I had to put the microphone right up to my mouth, and as a result, my voice sounds like an obscene phone caller. There’s also a minor burp in the file at 12:44. I’ll try harder next time… promise.