I Hate Led Zeppelin
Like any red-blooded American teenager, I grew up worshipping at the altar of Led Zeppelin. At one point in my life, I owned all their official albums, plus a live bootleg (note: this was before In Through the Out Door was released, so I can proudly say I never owned that piece of shit). I even had that big-ass Led Zeppelin poster hanging on my wall.
Although a lot of my favorite bands fell by the wayside once I discovered punk, I never fully replaced rock with punk. By the early 80s, when I was buying each and every punk album I could find, I still listened to a lot of Neil Young and Rory Gallagher. I still like punk, but I eventually returned to my roots. I like Judas Priest now more than I did as a teenager, and I’m not embarrassed to admit that I actually own Ted Nugent’s Intensities in Ten Cities album.
Led Zeppelin, however, is one of a handful of bands to whom I can no longer listen. Lest anyone think I’m simply being contrary or trying to go against the grain, I’m going to catalog the reasons why I hate Led Zeppelin.
1) The New Yardbirds, or Willie Dixon tribute band?: Buying the Willie Dixon Chess Box in 1989 was a revelation for me. I had only recently discovered Howlin’ Wolf, so hearing the original versions of “Back Door Man”, Spoonful” and “Little Red Rooster” had made The Doors, Cream, and The Stones look like pussies. The Willie Dixon box contains the original versions of “I Can’t Quit You”, “Bring it on Home” and “You Shook Me“. The biggest shock, though, was hearing Muddy Waters’ “You Need Love”, which had previously been unreleased in the US. For those of you who don’t know, Willie Dixon received an undisclosed amount of money after he sued Led Zeppelin for not giving him credit for writing the lyrics to their mega-hit “Whole Lotta Love”. They covered two Willie Dixon songs on their first album, and their cover of Dixon’s “Bring it on Home” is on Led Zeppelin II, so claiming “Whole Lotta Love” as an original composition was a really stupid move on their part. The charges of plagiarism don’t end here, but that’s all I’m going to address at this time.
2) Jimmy Page, Jimmy Page, Jimmy Page, ad nauseum: There’s no doubt that Jimmy Page is one of rock’s all-time great guitarists; I’m not going to dispute that. But that’s part of the problem: Jimmy Page never wanted to dispute it, either. By their fourth album, Led Zeppelin’s sound had become so dependent on overdubs that their live shows suffered greatly (more about that later). It’s been rumored that Pete Townsend – who would never be considered a guitar virtuoso, but is nevertheless a great rock & roll guitarist - had the good sense to try to recruit The Creation’s Eddie Phillips as a second guitarist, a move which would have probably deeply enriched The Who’s sound. Led Zeppelin is a band that would have definitely benefited from having a second guitarist; not only would it have improved their live sound, another guitarist could have repaired some of Page’s clunky riffs (“Fool in the Rain” being a great example of building a song out of an unfinished riff).
3) Worst Live Album Ever?: Even when I was 13 years old, I knew something wasn’t quite right about The Song Remains the Same. I later acquired a live bootleg recorded when they toured the US in support of their second album, and it was vastly superior. Hearing one of Zep’s studio recordings on the radio doesn’t make me reach for the dial, but ever since I heard The Song Remains the Same, I’ve found it to be a painful listening experience.
4) Worst. Frontman. Ever.: Okay, I bagged on Jimmy Page, but at least I can admit that Page has some skills. Robert Plant, on the other hand, was named by the late, great Spy Magazine as “The Most Embarrassing Man in Rock & Roll”… with good reason. Returning to The Song Remains the Same, check out Plant during the live version of “Stairway to Heaven”. When he gets to the line, “and the forests will echo with laughter”, he utters what must be the dumbest stage banter in the history of music: “Does anyone remember laughter?” To make matters worse, he says it in that ridiculous falsetto of his. Argh, that falsetto. It’s bad enough when Plant sings in that voice, but when he talks in falsetto, it’s like a pillowcase full of kittens being tortured. I don’t have anything against falsetto; Bill Kenny of the Inkspots sang falsetto, but the big difference is that he knew what he was doing. Ozzy Osbourne at least had the decency to work within his limitations as a vocalist; Robert Plant made the mistake of thinking his vocal abilities matched Page’s guitar skills. Incidentally, Donovan was Page’s original choice for vocal duties. Had that actually happened, my opinion of Led Zeppelin might be much different.
5) A Profound Influence Isn’t Always a Good Thing: There’s no doubt that Led Zeppelin influenced numerous bands or that they had a huge impact on how rock music is performed and marketed. Carbon monoxide can have a profound influence on the human body’s nervous and cardiovascular systems, but I don’t see anyone proclaiming carbon monoxide as the Greatest Gas Molecule Ever.
- Robert Plant somehow convinced the world that rock lyrics would sound better sung at a range only audible to dogs and bats. Thanks to his contribution to rock & roll, we can now enjoy the vocal stylings of Vince Neil, Sammy Hagar, David Coverdale and Steve Perry.
- Plenty of other bands – including The Beatles – wrote stupid, pretentious lyrics before Page, Plant & Co. ever put pen to paper, but Led Zeppelin achieved new heights in idiotic lyrics. Exhibit A: “Stairway to Heaven”. Exhibit B: Chances are, Zeppelin had an influence on Ronnie James Dio’s writing style.
- There was a time when a band didn’t need to have an album out in order to get airplay. By refusing to release singles from their albums, Led Zeppelin contributed mightily to the demise of the 45 rpm record. Not a Good Thing, in my opinion.
6) Good Fucking God, Are They Overplayed: I don’t listen to much radio. If I forget to bring some CDs, when I’m in the car I’ll alternate among oldies, classic rock, and Spanish-language radio. Next to the hideously overrated Boston, Led Zeppelin is the most overplayed band on Classic Rock Radio. It’s not enough that they play too much Zeppelin; they have to make a huge production out of playing too much of it. Our local classic rock station has these stupid “It’s time to get the Led out!” intros whenever they’re going to play two Led Zeppelin songs back-to-back, which only make me think to myself, “Wow! Led Zeppelin? I haven’t heard them in, gee… 30 minutes!” For fuck’s sake, play some Alice Cooper, Sensational Alex Harvey Band, Black Oak Arkansas… hell, I’d even settle for some pre-Hi Infidelity REO Speedwagon; considering all the genuine classic rock available, there’s no need to play two Zeppelin songs every hour. Goddamn.
I’m not going to enumerate my final beef against Led Zeppelin because it’s not a particularly strong point, but I’m going to address it, anyway. Are there any good covers of Led Zeppelin songs? I’ve heard D.O.A.’s cover of “Communication Breakdown”, Bongwater’s Mandarin-language cover of “Dazed and Confused” and Zappa’s version of “Stairway to Heaven”, but those are all basically tongue-in-cheek. I know I’ve heard other covers of Zeppelin songs, but apparently they were pretty forgettable. To me, this is a strong indicator that their songs may not be all they’re cracked up to be. Great musicians aren’t always great songwriters, you know.
I realize there are legions of Zeppelin fans out there, so if anyone disagrees with my assessment, I’m all ears. Just don’t post your response in falsetto.
I’m running out of naming options for these increasingly sick people. I started out a month ago with Church Burners. Then I had to add Ebola Boys. Church Burning Ebola Boys. Now what - Church Burning Baby Butchering Ebola Boys? That’s too long. Too unwieldy. Any suggestions would be appreciated. (Source: 
March 11th, 2008 at 9:14 am
I’m with you on point number 6!
March 11th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I agree with you on most of your list.
Still, Rock and Roll remains one of my favourite songs, and I’ve heard a good cover or two of it.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
After having heard them for 25+ years, oddly, my main reaction to Led Zep now is laughter. When I hear their records — even the ones that are supposed to be VERY SERIOUS — hell, ESPECIALLY the ones that are supposed to be very serious — I laugh. They’re so preposterous and overblown and cartoony, they’re funny. (And not in a good way.) Come on, let’s face it, it’s impossible to take Robert Plant seriously as a person.
March 11th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Carbon Monoxide: Greatest. Molecule. Ever
March 11th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
led zeppelin is to darwin
as
your replacement band (none) is to intelligent design
March 11th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
All right, wiseguy. I hear they’re in your garage… check ‘em out.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Have you caught the Godsmack version of Good Times Bad Times. The drums are good, but otherwise…ewww.
Here’s my take: there are some bands that are amazing during their time, but they’re not timeless. They are only “good” in the context of their time.
I’m surprised to hear say that you like Judas Priest more now. I’m exactly opposite. I hear (or worse, see a video) now and I cringe.
Some art just needs to be left in the past and not relived. I have great Zep memories that are tarnished when I turn the radio on and hear it now.
March 12th, 2008 at 1:20 am
That’s an excellent point, Dinzer. Jimi Hendrix did a lot of stuff that has stood the test of time, but some of his stuff - while it might have seemed really experimental at the time - only makes me scratch my head and say, “Whoa, someone must have taken the brown acid”.
re Judas Priest: I realize there’s plenty of reasons not to like Judas Priest (their videos do tend to be kinda cheesy), but I’ve always loved the way they covered songs and absolutely made them their own. “Diamonds and Rust”, “Better By You, Better Than Me” and “The Green Manalishi” are Judas Priest songs, no matter who recorded them first.
Long before Rob Halford came out of the closet I thought his whole leather look was… well, gay. Even though he’s lost some of his vocal range, I dig the Anton LaVey look he sports these days.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:01 am
John Lennon was the only songwriter who was any good at writing what I refer to as “nonsense” lyrics. Led Zepplin lyrics=epic fail…”I saw a lion he was standing alone with a tadpole in a jar?” PUH-leeze!
Mr. DNA, have you ever heard “I Hate Led Zepplin” by Screeching Weasel? Classic!
March 12th, 2008 at 8:09 am
You might enjoy viking kittens - set to the Immigrant Song! http://www.vikingkittens.com
March 12th, 2008 at 9:59 am
I guess I shouldn’t recommend you check out the recent album that Robert Plant recorded with Alison Krauss, but I will anyways. Plant is much more restrained than even his recent solo work and matches well with Krauss’ beautiful voice.
This does bring up my big music rant and that is singers who think they need to sing in a showy, stylized manner. When I (ever so rarely) here someone like Mariah Carey or Celine Dion* I just want to throttle them. They aren’t singing, they are showing off. Compared to someone like Alison Krauss, who can convey pain, fragility, hope and strength all at the same time, they are utter hacks.
* Don’t even get me started on Dion’s cover of AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.” Srsly…WTF?
March 12th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I was flipping through the radio stations on cable not too long ago and did hear a track from the Krauss & Plant album. After the what-the-fuckness of it all dissipated, I was pleasantly surprised. I probably should seek it out.
I’m not a fan of The Honeydrippers, but Plant didn’t sound too bad on a lot of their stuff. It’s the shrieking and that stupid call-and-response stuff he tried to do with Page’s leads (like on “Dazed and Confused”) that drove me crazy with his Zep recordings.
You’re right about Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, etc. It doesn’t matter how good your voice is: it ruins a song when you turn 6 notes into 24 notes. Singers like Krauss, Emmylou Harris and Kitty Wells don’t need to do that shit in order to find the heart of a melody.
Oh, and CB: thanks for reminding me about Screeching Weasel’s “I hate Led Zeppelin” - I have Boogadaboogada, but I tend to neglect it in favor of My Brain Hurts and How to Make Enemies.
March 14th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Say what you will that sunny mountain side or whatever instrumental thing is pretty good stuff. something about pure sexual tension will keep folks talking about led zeppelin even though what you say is true. maybe not timeless but perhaps eternal.
March 17th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
I feel the same way… but I still enjoy watching them on DVD or youtube for ‘rare’ live videos. they suck at times, but yet they rule too. argh. Some bootlegs from ‘69 ~ ‘73 are really good, no edits like ‘the song remains the same’.
March 18th, 2008 at 6:18 am
now, Skynyrd. That’s fucking timeless son. Also Scott Joplin. but not Chet Atkins.
March 18th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
I know I’ve posted a couple of Chet Atkins clips, but I’ve always felt that his sins as a producer cast a dark shadow over his accomplishments as a guitarist. Give me Merle Travis, Paul Yandell or Al Myers any day of the week.
When I finally get around to doing a new episode of The Church Burnin’ Ebola Broadcasting System, I’ll plan on showcasing a Bob Newman tune or two - Al Myers throws down some tasty licks on those old records.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:20 am
You’re not actually alone in your switch from unquestioning obedience to the Mighty Led Zeppelin to hating the shit out of the overrated dickheads. Actually hate is maybe too strong a word, as they’re really quite comical if you think about them. Does anyone remember laughter? Yes, we’re laughing at you Mr Plant.
May 10th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Well I can’t believe Led Zeppelin still remains popular - I always thought they were over-rated and their 25 years of classic rock radio supremacy is mind-boggling! However, I DO enjoy Dread Zeppelin and I also love the various cover versions of Stairway (both the Australian gameshow release and the others I’ve found - Brave Combo, Dolly Parton, that Finnish band on YouTube)
July 6th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
haha, i’m not convinced at all, led zeppelin are the best, you are high, robert plant is amazing, and you were going off a magazine, seriously, the media hated led zeppelin, because they don’t sellout, all of zeppelin’s decisions are made in thought of what would be better for the band and for the fans, led zeppelin are the best band EVER, without a doubt
August 19th, 2008 at 9:04 am
I read your opinion piece grinning from ear to ear. I does my soul good to know I am not the only one who HATES Led Zeppelin. Good Lord Almighty! Overrated and overplayed. In the words of Bill Clinton, “I feel your pain!” Yes, at one time, I too was embarrassed to dare deny the diety of the ‘Mighty Zep’. Not any more. I think my breaking point came at the 3,128,148,195th playing of the ‘Immigrant Song’ on the local classic rock station. Yep, you can count on the typical ‘classic rock’ station playing the ole ‘Zep’ at least once and hour. My musical taste ranges from classic rock to classic R&B to Punk to New Wave to classic country to classical. I think I would rather have my eyes burned out with an acetylene blowtorch that have to listen to LZ or (c)rap though. Thanks for writing that opinion piece. I now know that I am not alone. I can face the world with a new sense of being. Also, now that I have found this new freedom, I will now officially state that I also HATE Nirvana! Cheers. MAQ
October 4th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Wow . your one foolish child to make this such a big thing about some rock band. What a loser you are this has been building up in you for decades. time to grow up you Foolish prick.
October 4th, 2008 at 11:31 am
The original posting here was clearly meant as humor.
What’s your excuse, Fred, for coming onto strangers blogs and leaving comments calling complete strangers “foolish pricks”?
Is that the grown up” thing to do?
October 24th, 2008 at 8:37 am
“Grow up foolish prick?” Thanks ptet. Seems as if Fred is the one who needs to grow up. I was just joining in on the fun of poking fun at LZ.