CBEB’s

<grumpy old man>

You atheist kids have got it so easy these days. When I was your age, we didn’t have some new-fangled Blasphemy Challenge. We didn’t have no fancy YouTube, neither. If we wanted to watch a video of someone using a Bible to clean up a pile of dog shit, we had to order some shitty 8mm film out of the back of a porno magazine. The dogshit and the Bible were usually fake, and the actors would be speaking either German or Swedish. What a gyp.

When I was your age, if I wanted to piss off Christians and scare the beejesus out of my friends, I had to do it the old-fashioned way by cranking up the stereo and blaring the Feederz’ “Jesus Entering From the Rear”.

</grumpy old man>

In 1981, my older brother brought home the classic (and now long out-of-print) Alternative Tentacles compilation, Let Them Eat Jellybeans. Featuring some legendary punk bands (Dead Kennedys, Flipper, Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Bad Brains, and more) the Feederz track always got the biggest reaction, which usually went something like this: “TURN THAT SHIT OFF! DO YOU WANT TO GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING???” We couldn’t even understand all the lyrics, but the parts that mattered were perfectly audible.

A lot of the early punk bands went for shock value, but the Feederz went the extra mile. If you don’t believe me, listen for yourself. This is the original version (from vinyl) of “Jesus Entering From the Rear”:

The original recording featured Art Nouveau (a.k.a. John Vivier) on drums; Nouveau would eventually go on to join Killer Pussy of “Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage” fame. His replacement for the Feederz first album, Ever Feel Like Killing Your Boss?, would be none other than Dead Kennedys drummer, D.H. Peligro. Here is the cleaner-sounding album version of “Jesus”:

Personally, I prefer the original recording; it’s raw and rough, just like a good punk song should be, although I do like the little “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” intro of the album version…

Though they went through a lot of personnel changes, it never mattered much, as the Feederz was the brainchild of guitarist/vocalist/songwriter Frank Discussion.

I’ve never bought into the whole “Smash the State” rhetoric behind a lot of punk music. I can appreciate the sentiment, but I always preferred the gloom-and-doom of Discharge to the Utopian leanings of Crass. However, one can’t help but to be impressed by Frank Discussion’s conviction to the cause. Though not many people have actually listened to Ever Feel Like Killing Your Boss?, the album is famous for its packaging: the original vinyl release had an actual piece of sandpaper glued to the cover so that it would fuck up all your other album covers. The CD reissue has the sandpaper glued to the jewel case.

Discussion’s lyrics are richly influenced by Situationist politics. If you’re not familiar with Situationists International, I’m afraid I can’t be of much help. I’ve read a lot of Situationist literature, but like sex, I’ve found it’s something better experienced than discussed. Two classic examples of Situationist philosophy can be found in the slogans from the Paris Riots of May, 1968 and the music of Negativland.

Even before the year 1984 had arrived, I got pretty sick of punks singing about it; especially after watching that shitty movie, Breaking Glass. The Feederz, however, did one of the few decent songs on the subject with the aptly titled “1984″:

During the infamous PMRC hearings, the record industry was also engaged in a plan to put a tax on blank cassettes in order to recoup losses caused by the insidious activity known as “home recording”. Long before music piracy became cool, Frank Discussion proudly displayed the following statement on the back of the Feederz’ albums:

HOME RECORDING IS KILLING THE MUSIC INDUSTRY. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

It’s not just lip service, either; after a long absence from the music scene, the Feederz returned in 2002 with the album, Vandalism: Beautiful As A Rock In A Cop’s Face. Like a true punk, Frank Discussion made the entire album available for download at the Feederz website. (Note: I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the Official Feederz Website is NSFW, unless your boss is cool with the suggestion that he be brutally sodomized.)

There’s also a video from the album for the song, “Taking the Night”. Even if you don’t like the song, the video is excellent. Did you know that there’s beer hidden in the walls at your place of employment?

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As a bonus tribute to Frank Discussion and the Feederz, here’s their cover of Olivia Newton-John’s smash hit, “Have You Ever Been Mellow”:

Below the fold you will find the lyrics to “Jesus Entering from the Rear”. Trust me on this: you don’t have to be a Christian to find the lyrics offensive. Consider yourself warned.

We nailed you to a cross, but you’re still a fucking pain
Dead 2000 years, still can’t get it through your brain
You’re just a worthless corpse, you’re just a pile of shit
Give me a couple of nails, and I’ll ventilate your pit

Jesus entering from the rear
Fucking you in the ass
Just another faggot
In just another mass

We won’t take it any more, we just won’t take that trash
You’re another stupid martyr with another rectal rash
We won’t take you in the butt, we’re just waiting for the when
We’ve got a lot of nails to do it to you again

You thought it would be cute, you thought it would be fun
But wait ’til I split your shitter with a soldering gun
Jesus on a plate, Jesus a la carte
Jesus under glass, just another fucking tart