CBEB’s

Over at Reason, Jesse Walker has posted an excellent article on The Kinks, dealing specifically with what he describes as “the most un-1968 song of 1968″, the title track to the album, The Village Green Preservation Society. (Those of you unfamiliar with the Kinks might have heard the song in the soundtrack of Hot Fuzz.)

I happen to agree with Walker; Muswell Hillbillies is my favorite Kinks album too, but The Village Green Preservation Society is pretty high on my list of favorites. The album contains “Big Sky”, a great tune featuring Ray Davies’ thoughts on god:

Big Sky looked down on all the people looking up at the Big Sky.
Everybody pushing one another around
Big Sky feels sad when he sees the children scream and cry
But the Big Sky’s too big to let it get him down.

Big Sky too big to cry
Big Sky too high to see
People like you and me

One day we’ll be free, we won’t care, just you see
‘Til that day can be, don’t let it get you down
When I feel that the world is too much for me
I think of the Big Sky, and nothing matters much to me.

Big Sky looked down on all the people who think they got problems
They get depressed and they hold their head in their hands and cry.
People lift up their hands and they look up to the Big Sky
But Big Sky is too big to sympathize

Big Sky’s too occupied
Though he would like to try
And he feels bad inside
Big Sky’s too big to cry

One day we’ll be free, we won’t care, just you wait and see
‘Til that day can be, don’t let it get you down.
When I feel that the world is too much for me
I think of the Big Sky, and nothing matters much to me.

Incidentally, Walker’s article doubles as a review for Thomas M. Kitts’ Ray Davies: Not Like Everybody Else, which approaches Davies’ lyrics as literature. It sounds a bit pretentious, but it might be worth looking into if rock star biographies are your thing.

<grumpy old man>

You atheist kids have got it so easy these days. When I was your age, we didn’t have some new-fangled Blasphemy Challenge. We didn’t have no fancy YouTube, neither. If we wanted to watch a video of someone using a Bible to clean up a pile of dog shit, we had to order some shitty 8mm film out of the back of a porno magazine. The dogshit and the Bible were usually fake, and the actors would be speaking either German or Swedish. What a gyp.

When I was your age, if I wanted to piss off Christians and scare the beejesus out of my friends, I had to do it the old-fashioned way by cranking up the stereo and blaring the Feederz’ “Jesus Entering From the Rear”.

</grumpy old man>

In 1981, my older brother brought home the classic (and now long out-of-print) Alternative Tentacles compilation, Let Them Eat Jellybeans. Featuring some legendary punk bands (Dead Kennedys, Flipper, Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Bad Brains, and more) the Feederz track always got the biggest reaction, which usually went something like this: “TURN THAT SHIT OFF! DO YOU WANT TO GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING???” We couldn’t even understand all the lyrics, but the parts that mattered were perfectly audible.

A lot of the early punk bands went for shock value, but the Feederz went the extra mile. If you don’t believe me, listen for yourself. This is the original version (from vinyl) of “Jesus Entering From the Rear”:

The original recording featured Art Nouveau (a.k.a. John Vivier) on drums; Nouveau would eventually go on to join Killer Pussy of “Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage” fame. His replacement for the Feederz first album, Ever Feel Like Killing Your Boss?, would be none other than Dead Kennedys drummer, D.H. Peligro. Here is the cleaner-sounding album version of “Jesus”:

Personally, I prefer the original recording; it’s raw and rough, just like a good punk song should be, although I do like the little “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” intro of the album version…

Though they went through a lot of personnel changes, it never mattered much, as the Feederz was the brainchild of guitarist/vocalist/songwriter Frank Discussion.

I’ve never bought into the whole “Smash the State” rhetoric behind a lot of punk music. I can appreciate the sentiment, but I always preferred the gloom-and-doom of Discharge to the Utopian leanings of Crass. However, one can’t help but to be impressed by Frank Discussion’s conviction to the cause. Though not many people have actually listened to Ever Feel Like Killing Your Boss?, the album is famous for its packaging: the original vinyl release had an actual piece of sandpaper glued to the cover so that it would fuck up all your other album covers. The CD reissue has the sandpaper glued to the jewel case.

Discussion’s lyrics are richly influenced by Situationist politics. If you’re not familiar with Situationists International, I’m afraid I can’t be of much help. I’ve read a lot of Situationist literature, but like sex, I’ve found it’s something better experienced than discussed. Two classic examples of Situationist philosophy can be found in the slogans from the Paris Riots of May, 1968 and the music of Negativland.

Even before the year 1984 had arrived, I got pretty sick of punks singing about it; especially after watching that shitty movie, Breaking Glass. The Feederz, however, did one of the few decent songs on the subject with the aptly titled “1984″:

During the infamous PMRC hearings, the record industry was also engaged in a plan to put a tax on blank cassettes in order to recoup losses caused by the insidious activity known as “home recording”. Long before music piracy became cool, Frank Discussion proudly displayed the following statement on the back of the Feederz’ albums:

HOME RECORDING IS KILLING THE MUSIC INDUSTRY. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

It’s not just lip service, either; after a long absence from the music scene, the Feederz returned in 2002 with the album, Vandalism: Beautiful As A Rock In A Cop’s Face. Like a true punk, Frank Discussion made the entire album available for download at the Feederz website. (Note: I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the Official Feederz Website is NSFW, unless your boss is cool with the suggestion that he be brutally sodomized.)

There’s also a video from the album for the song, “Taking the Night”. Even if you don’t like the song, the video is excellent. Did you know that there’s beer hidden in the walls at your place of employment?

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As a bonus tribute to Frank Discussion and the Feederz, here’s their cover of Olivia Newton-John’s smash hit, “Have You Ever Been Mellow”:

Below the fold you will find the lyrics to “Jesus Entering from the Rear”. Trust me on this: you don’t have to be a Christian to find the lyrics offensive. Consider yourself warned.
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Via Yahoo News:

A former drummer for the Swedish pop band ABBA was found dead with cuts to his neck in the garden of his house on the Spanish island of Mallorca. Police said Monday an autopsy showed it was an accident.

Alas, it wasn’t a “Bizarre gardening accident“. Apparently, Ola Brunkert hit his head on a glass door in his dining room before stumbling into the garden.

Anyway, rest in peace, Ola Brunkert. The next time William Dembski says “Waterloo!” (which, according to my calculations, should be about 10 minutes from now), I’ll bust out the ABBA Gold CD in your honor.

While my computer was down, I was unable to read some of my favorite blogs, so I missed this entertaining post from Ed Brayton at Dispatches from the Culture Wars where he reminisces about a Country Club standup gig gone horribly wrong. Not that I can top Ed’s tale, but his story reminded me of a few Country Club gigs of my own. This is the first of a three part series about my experiences at Country Clubs. This first episode is actually kind of happy.

Several years ago, I used to play bass in an R&B band. We played all the usual stuff; some John Lee Hooker, Otis Redding, several Willie Dixon tunes (we did a pretty decent version of “You Can’t Judge a Book By Its Cover”, in my opinion), Rufus Thomas’s “Walkin’ the Dog”, and of course, “Mustang Sally”.

What separated us from millions of bands around the world who probably have identical set lists is that the frontman is a local judge. In addition to a singing judge, the guitar duties were handled by a municipal prosecutor and a civil trial attorney, and the original sax player was a local talk radio host.

Most of the guys in the band had pretty busy schedules, so we didn’t gig too often. When we did, it was usually for some sort of charity or political event. That usually meant no money, but I’m one of those weirdos who will play for the sake of playing… as long it’s fun. The “as long as it’s fun” qualifier will come into play in future editions of Tales from the Country Club…

I guess there’s a certainly novelty about having a band fronted by a judge play at your party, because we got quite a few gigs playing people’s 110th birthdays, 75th wedding anniversaries, Grandpa Learned to Program the VCR celebrations… the type of events hosted and attended by people who would normally turn off the radio and complain about “that damn negro music” if they were to hear an actual Rhythm and Blues tune. Most of these gigs took place at Country Clubs.

I hadn’t been with the band too long when someone paid an extraordinary amount of money at a charity auction to have the band play at the venue of their choosing. If I remember correctly, it was something like 3500 bucks. I have never played in a band that got paid that kind of money, and seeing that the money went to charity, that still holds true.

Although the band had a pretty steady lineup, sometimes the personnel shifted temporarily. One guitarist might be out of town for a trial, and we had a drummer whose wife wasn’t always amenable to the thought of her husband having fun, so every now and then someone would fill in on a one-show basis.

The lady who won the auction contacted us to let us know that she wanted us to play at a party she was having at Corpus Christi Country Club. She gave us plenty of notice, but the week before the gig, everything went wrong. Guitarist “A” had to be in California for a trial. Guitarist “B” had to go out of town for a wedding. The drummer was out of town on a job, too. This was before we had a sax player, so that meant only two people would be available for the show: the singer, with me backing him up on bass.

We had already told the woman that we could do the gig, so we were in quite a predicament. It would have been terribly bad form to ask her to reschedule her party, so we decided to wing it. The judge’s 14 year-old son sat in on drums, one of the guitarists’ teenage sons filled in on guitar, and someone in the band managed to recruit some guy as an additional guitarist. I think it was one of those “friend of a friend” scenarios, because years later, none of the guys in the band could remember who the substitute was or who recommended him.

Because all this happened on such short notice, we only had time to squeeze in one practice session. As result, we worked out less than half the songs in our set list, and even some of the ones we practiced were kind of “iffy”. We decided that come showtime, we would offer the party’s host a free gig at a later date - promising her that at least four-fifths of the bands’ members would be in attendance - if she wasn’t completely satisfied.

The story thus far sounds like a sure-fire recipe for disaster, but surprisingly, the gig went great. In fact, of all the shows I did with this band, this one is definitely in the top 5. Once the crowd had a few drinks in their bellies, you couldn’t keep them off the dance floor. Most of the people in attendance were in their forties or fifties, but not once did they tell us to turn it down; in fact, we were told to crank it up. We basically did the same set three times, including three 15-minute versions of “Stormy Monday Blues”, but no one complained. I don’t think anyone in the audience knew the actual title to an honest-to-goodness R&B song, so we didn’t have to deal with any requests that couldn’t be honored (no one yelled out “play some Skynyrd!”, either).

The only real problem during the gig was that the drummer was really sloppy… and I mean sloppy. His playing was passable, but he dropped a stick at least once during each song. Fortunately, we had noticed this when we rehearsed, so we just made sure he had plenty of sticks at his disposal. Other than that, a good time was had by all. In fact, we didn’t even have to do that free gig, because the host thought we did a great job.

When the rest of the band got back in town, they were amazed to hear that the gig went so great. One of the guys was seriously anticipating having to deal with an irate auction winner when he got home.

A few weeks later, we played another gig at C.C. Country Club, this time for another local judge’s birthday party. The judge having the birthday is actually a really nice guy, but the show was a disaster. I think it was his wife who asked us after every song if we could turn it down “just a little bit”, which I’m pretty sure was her polite, little-old-lady way of saying, “damn negro music”.

This was a high-dollar catered affair, so there was this huge spread of great food for the partygoers. We were told to help ourselves to some food, but I was so pissed off that I told the other guys in the band, “I refuse to break bread with these assholes”.

So ends Volume One of Tales From the Country Club. I realize that some readers may be disappointed that this one was relatively positive, but fear not; it only gets worse from here… stay tuned.

Like any red-blooded American teenager, I grew up worshipping at the altar of Led Zeppelin. At one point in my life, I owned all their official albums, plus a live bootleg (note: this was before In Through the Out Door was released, so I can proudly say I never owned that piece of shit). I even had that big-ass Led Zeppelin poster hanging on my wall.

Although a lot of my favorite bands fell by the wayside once I discovered punk, I never fully replaced rock with punk. By the early 80s, when I was buying each and every punk album I could find, I still listened to a lot of Neil Young and Rory Gallagher. I still like punk, but I eventually returned to my roots. I like Judas Priest now more than I did as a teenager, and I’m not embarrassed to admit that I actually own Ted Nugent’s Intensities in Ten Cities album.

Led Zeppelin, however, is one of a handful of bands to whom I can no longer listen. Lest anyone think I’m simply being contrary or trying to go against the grain, I’m going to catalog the reasons why I hate Led Zeppelin.

1) The New Yardbirds, or Willie Dixon tribute band?: Buying the Willie Dixon Chess Box in 1989 was a revelation for me. I had only recently discovered Howlin’ Wolf, so hearing the original versions of “Back Door Man”, Spoonful” and “Little Red Rooster” had made The Doors, Cream, and The Stones look like pussies. The Willie Dixon box contains the original versions of “I Can’t Quit You”, “Bring it on Home” and “You Shook Me“. The biggest shock, though, was hearing Muddy Waters’ “You Need Love”, which had previously been unreleased in the US. For those of you who don’t know, Willie Dixon received an undisclosed amount of money after he sued Led Zeppelin for not giving him credit for writing the lyrics to their mega-hit “Whole Lotta Love”. They covered two Willie Dixon songs on their first album, and their cover of Dixon’s “Bring it on Home” is on Led Zeppelin II, so claiming “Whole Lotta Love” as an original composition was a really stupid move on their part. The charges of plagiarism don’t end here, but that’s all I’m going to address at this time.

2) Jimmy Page, Jimmy Page, Jimmy Page, ad nauseum: There’s no doubt that Jimmy Page is one of rock’s all-time great guitarists; I’m not going to dispute that. But that’s part of the problem: Jimmy Page never wanted to dispute it, either. By their fourth album, Led Zeppelin’s sound had become so dependent on overdubs that their live shows suffered greatly (more about that later). It’s been rumored that Pete Townsend – who would never be considered a guitar virtuoso, but is nevertheless a great rock & roll guitarist - had the good sense to try to recruit The Creation’s Eddie Phillips as a second guitarist, a move which would have probably deeply enriched The Who’s sound. Led Zeppelin is a band that would have definitely benefited from having a second guitarist; not only would it have improved their live sound, another guitarist could have repaired some of Page’s clunky riffs (“Fool in the Rain” being a great example of building a song out of an unfinished riff).

3) Worst Live Album Ever?: Even when I was 13 years old, I knew something wasn’t quite right about The Song Remains the Same. I later acquired a live bootleg recorded when they toured the US in support of their second album, and it was vastly superior. Hearing one of Zep’s studio recordings on the radio doesn’t make me reach for the dial, but ever since I heard The Song Remains the Same, I’ve found it to be a painful listening experience.

4) Worst. Frontman. Ever.: Okay, I bagged on Jimmy Page, but at least I can admit that Page has some skills. Robert Plant, on the other hand, was named by the late, great Spy Magazine as “The Most Embarrassing Man in Rock & Roll”… with good reason. Returning to The Song Remains the Same, check out Plant during the live version of “Stairway to Heaven”. When he gets to the line, “and the forests will echo with laughter”, he utters what must be the dumbest stage banter in the history of music: “Does anyone remember laughter?” To make matters worse, he says it in that ridiculous falsetto of his. Argh, that falsetto. It’s bad enough when Plant sings in that voice, but when he talks in falsetto, it’s like a pillowcase full of kittens being tortured. I don’t have anything against falsetto; Bill Kenny of the Inkspots sang falsetto, but the big difference is that he knew what he was doing. Ozzy Osbourne at least had the decency to work within his limitations as a vocalist; Robert Plant made the mistake of thinking his vocal abilities matched Page’s guitar skills. Incidentally, Donovan was Page’s original choice for vocal duties. Had that actually happened, my opinion of Led Zeppelin might be much different.

5) A Profound Influence Isn’t Always a Good Thing: There’s no doubt that Led Zeppelin influenced numerous bands or that they had a huge impact on how rock music is performed and marketed. Carbon monoxide can have a profound influence on the human body’s nervous and cardiovascular systems, but I don’t see anyone proclaiming carbon monoxide as the Greatest Gas Molecule Ever.

1. Robert Plant somehow convinced the world that rock lyrics would sound better sung at a range only audible to dogs and bats. Thanks to his contribution to rock & roll, we can now enjoy the vocal stylings of Vince Neil, Sammy Hagar, David Coverdale and Steve Perry.
2. Plenty of other bands – including The Beatles – wrote stupid, pretentious lyrics before Page, Plant & Co. ever put pen to paper, but Led Zeppelin achieved new heights in idiotic lyrics. Exhibit A: “Stairway to Heaven”. Exhibit B: Chances are, Zeppelin had an influence on Ronnie James Dio’s writing style.
3. There was a time when a band didn’t need to have an album out in order to get airplay. By refusing to release singles from their albums, Led Zeppelin contributed mightily to the demise of the 45 rpm record. Not a Good Thing, in my opinion.

6) Good Fucking God, Are They Overplayed: I don’t listen to much radio. If I forget to bring some CDs, when I’m in the car I’ll alternate among oldies, classic rock, and Spanish-language radio. Next to the hideously overrated Boston, Led Zeppelin is the most overplayed band on Classic Rock Radio. It’s not enough that they play too much Zeppelin; they have to make a huge production out of playing too much of it. Our local classic rock station has these stupid “It’s time to get the Led out!” intros whenever they’re going to play two Led Zeppelin songs back-to-back, which only make me think to myself, “Wow! Led Zeppelin? I haven’t heard them in, gee… 30 minutes!” For fuck’s sake, play some Alice Cooper, Sensational Alex Harvey Band, Black Oak Arkansas… hell, I’d even settle for some pre-Hi Infidelity REO Speedwagon; considering all the genuine classic rock available, there’s no need to play two Zeppelin songs every hour. Goddamn.

I’m not going to enumerate my final beef against Led Zeppelin because it’s not a particularly strong point, but I’m going to address it, anyway. Are there any good covers of Led Zeppelin songs? I’ve heard D.O.A.’s cover of “Communication Breakdown”, Bongwater’s Mandarin-language cover of “Dazed and Confused” and Zappa’s version of “Stairway to Heaven”, but those are all basically tongue-in-cheek. I know I’ve heard other covers of Zeppelin songs, but apparently they were pretty forgettable. To me, this is a strong indicator that their songs may not be all they’re cracked up to be. Great musicians aren’t always great songwriters, you know.

I realize there are legions of Zeppelin fans out there, so if anyone disagrees with my assessment, I’m all ears. Just don’t post your response in falsetto.

CBEB’s Note: My hosting company’s media server is acting up today. Sometimes the videos load, sometimes they don’t. The problem will eventually clear up, so be patient… thanks!

Last week we celebrated Darwin Day, and what a Darwin Day it was. Next year will be Darwin’s 200th birthday - and the sesquicentennial of the publication of The Origin of Species, so we ought to be able to usher in the End of the World with next year’s festivities. Today, however, I’d like to honor another great man who should be an inspiration to Church Burnin’ Ebola Boys (and girls) everywhere.

It was 28 years ago today that AC/DC frontman Bon Scott died in London due to alcohol poisoning. AC/DC had recently become a worldwide phenomenon with their Highway to Hell album, and many people - including Bon’s fellow bandmates - thought he would be irreplaceable. Brian Johnson would ultimately take Bon’s place, and AC/DC’s next album, Back in Black would go on to become one of the biggest-selling albums of all time.

Still, there are many fans who believe the Bon Scott era was the Golden Age of AC/DC. In fact, Bon Scott is considered by many to be one of the greatest Rock & Roll frontmen ever. That’s a subject that could be argued for hours, but I’d definitely say he’s in the top 10.

Bon Scott deserves to be honored by CBEBs not only because he was a kickass frontman, but because he and the rest of the boys in AC/DC were a constant thorn in the side of uptight parents and religious wankers everywhere. For years, the rumor subsisted that “AC/DC” stood for “Anti-Christ Devil’s Child”. In addition to their classic song, “Highway to Hell”, the song “Hell Ain’t a Bad Place to Be” made AC/DC a favorite whipping boy for anti-rock music crusaders. Instead of toning things down to gain mass acceptance, AC/DC basically found a working formula and stuck with it. Other bands had sung about the devil and hell before AC/DC (Screamin’ Jay Hawkins probably started it with “Little Demon”, followed by the Sonics’ garage rock classic “He’s Waiting”, and the Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy For The Devil” to name a few), but Bon Scott & Co. brought it front and center, with the added bonus of not being pretentious about it.

Shit. I could probably write about AC/DC and Bon Scott for hours, but that would be missing the point. AC/DC’s music isn’t meant to be analyzed on an intellectual level, it’s meant to be enjoyed for what it is: pure, dumb fun. So enough of my bullshit; here’s some choice Bon Scott videos.

First up is one of AC/DC’s first television appearances, where they perform a rockin’ version of the oft-covered “Baby, Please Don’t Go”. This clip is dedicated to CBEB’s favorite Darwinist Drag Queen Transvestite Imitation Lesbian, JanieBelle McKnight.

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Below the fold are three more clips, including two live performances.
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I was checking my referral logs and I saw that someone had accessed the site after doing a Google search on “GodTube”, so I got curious as to where my site ranks on such a search term. My investigation got sidetracked when I saw one of the results. It’s a pain in the ass to embed GodTube videos in WordPress blogs - something about which I’m definitely not going to complain - so instead, here’s the YouTube version. This might be old news to most people, I dunno; it’s new to me, so I figured I’d make everyone else suffer along with me. Ladies and gentlemen, “Baby Got Book”:

Welcome to the debut episode of The Church Burning Ebola Broadcasting System. The theme of this episode is Sex & Violence (and it’s not even blog sweeps week, as far as I can tell). Did you think overt sexual themes and graphic violence didn’t get sung about until heavy metal and gangsta rap came along? Get outta town, ‘cuz these hillbillies are freaky - and if you think otherwise, they’re liable to kill you in your sleep! Simply press play, or you can download the mp3 to your hard drive by right-clicking the graphic and doing whatever it is your browser needs to do to save a file.

Enjoy the music of:
Hartman’s Heartbreakers
The Blue Sky Boys
The Light Crust Doughboys
Jimmie Rodgers
The Delmore Brothers
Spade Cooley & His Western Swing Band
Johnny Horton
Jimmie Driftwood
Tennessee Ernie Ford & Ella Mae Morse
and more!

This is my first attempt at podcasting, so bear with me. The levels on my mic are fucked, so I had to put the microphone right up to my mouth, and as a result, my voice sounds like an obscene phone caller. There’s also a minor burp in the file at 12:44. I’ll try harder next time… promise.

It’s been a busy week for Tardminers. The general consensus is that this was the best week ever for Uncommon Descent-related hilarity. That said, it’s time to for some much needed rest & relaxation. With that in mind, here’s a clip of Chet Atkins playing an instrumental version of the old Russian folk song, “Dark Eyes” (aka “Ochi Chyornye”)
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A word of warning to those of you who play guitar: This clip will either make you want to pick up your guitar and practice all weekend, or it will make you hang your head in shame and not want to play your guitar for another six months… Enjoy!

Below the fold are two excerpts from the 1930 newsreel, “The Singing Brakeman”. This is the only footage in existence of Jimmie Rodgers performing (I think there’s newsreel footage of him with Will Rogers), and I’m showcasing two of his greatest songs, “Waiting for a Train” and “T for Texas (Blue Yodel #1)”. Known as “The Father of Country Music”, Rodgers influenced countless artists, even outside the realm of country; Howlin’ Wolf’s distinctive howl was based on Rodger’s yodeling. After his death from tuberculosis in 1933, there was a boom in artists who weren’t necessarily Jimmie Rodgers Impersonators, but more like Jimmie Rodgers Tribute Bands. Among those who started out in this field were Hank Snow and Ernest Tubb. Rodgers’ widow would eventually present Jimmie’s famous guitar to Ernest Tubb, while Hank Snow named his son Jimmie Rodgers Snow in honor of his hero.

Although these clips portray Rodgers at his down home folksiest, his status as The Father of Country Music is a bit misleading. Not that it isn’t a fair assessment, but Rodgers was essentially a popular music artist whose music was marketed to rural whites. He recorded a little over 100 songs throughout his career, and there is a wide variety of styles on display in his catalog. Some of his recordings feature bizarre whistling, musical saws, obviously stoned-out-of-their-mind jazz musicians (check out “Desert Blues”) , and Lilian Armstrong and her husband, Louis Armstrong played on Rodger’s “Blue Yodel #9″. The label “country music” puts off a lot of people, but the music of Jimmie Rodgers truly transcends the clichés normally associated with the genre. Sure, he sang about momma, trains, jail and all that good stuff, but he did it with great style.
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